My Exhausting Breastfeeding Journey

 Breastfeeding is the most amazingly exhausting thing I have ever done in my life. I have bottle fed 3 of my 6 kids. Attempted to nurse and failed with 2 of those 3. The first I was a teen and assumed nursing was the single most disgusting thing on the planet. 3 of the 6 have been breastfed. 2 of the 3 I had used formula for 1 day to supplement while 1 I managed to make it entirely without needing to. 

In the past I was not the best with my weight and what I ate. I was severely overweight and ate a lot of things I don't even eat as often as I use to. So with breastfeeding looking back I wasn't exactly the greatest nutrient. I gave my kids crap. I'm not proud of it. I would change it now if I could. But truth is I was a stay at home Mom battling the day to day life struggles of raising 3 very active boys and a newborn. 

I just had my daughter , yes, daughter after 5 amazing sons. She is almost 3 months old and I have become a stay at home Mom again after 2 years of working. With that I have found old habits trying to come back. And this time I am nipping it in the bud. I am an emotional eater, food is a comfort to me. But that was old me. New me needs to find an outlet to turn to when times get rough and I feel like eating an entire bag of candy in one sitting. But truth is, her first 2 months and 3 weeks I battled it and food was my comfort. I haven't gained nor lost weight. I've fluctuated since the day she was born.

My breastfeeding journey with my daughter has been eventful. Out of all 6 of my kids only her and my first have I ever battled post partum baby blues. Hers was a lot rougher as hers came with breastfeeding growth spurts and a 8 year gap from her and her brother. You would think after 5 kids, by the 6th you just got it. And truth is, I do. But that age gap is no joke and I can truthfully say I had a hard time with it. You see, after my last son was born I began to live life. For once I was focusing on me and the kids. I didn't do that when I was back to back having these not so little crotch goblins as people call them today. I began to finally loose every ounce of weight of 4 out of the 5. I was 30 lbs away from loosing the remainder from my 18 year old son, then got pregnant; miscarried and battled depression; and got pregnant with my daughter . 

Having my daughter has been exhausting, but worth it. Exhausting because she is very temperamental and let's you know when she's pissed. She is so stubborn she refuses to let anything or anyone other than me console her. You know how your parents always threaten that they hope you have a child one day just like you but ten times worse? Yeah, I've met my match. She's an Aquarius like me, born 5 days before my birthday and she is 1000000 times me. I haven't decided if it is a good or bad thing, however, on the days when she was cluster feeding every hour on the hour for a week in a row I can admit I felt defeated and she was winning. I cried. I cried so bad. It was like the ugly Kim Kardashian cry meme that is viral everywhere, except probably a lot more ugly and worse of a face. 

Moving forward to almost 3 months in, we just got over our almost 12 week (knocks on wood) growth spurt. It lasted 2 days and I didn't cry, but got frustrated. I hate not being able to do what I gotta do for the boys. I'm Mom and it is my job to tend to everyone's needs. But this little girl has other plans and hers are all that matters currently, and I am finding that it is ok. It is ok because she won't always be this little. It's ok because one day I am going to look back at this journey and wish it was back here again. Every ounce of frustration will be a I wish I had this back. One day she is going to grow up and I will wish I had back the day of when she cooed at me , smiled at me, and played with my hand while nursing. And that's the motivation I use to get through each day, each week, each month. I'm already missing the newborn stage. 

With the previous parts above, I would like to jump back into talk about my diet. I am back on focusing on me. But this time I am focusing on her needs too. I have been battling a lot of digestive problems since her pregnancy, even when I was pregnant with her. TMI, constipation being one. I have MS and it already sucks with my body. So the last few days I have taken a handle on my diet and started caring. I began trying more to loose weight. I have her body to think of while she is nuturing off of mine. Candy and soda and sweets aren't exactly part she needs. So I am letting them go so I can get us right together. For the first time I am thinking of an outcome. It's a lot to think of, but I can do this. 

So even though this journey has been exhausting mentally, emotionally and physically. I am grateful for this chance. I love my kids, every one of them, even the ones lost. And I'll do anything to better myself for them, and better them for them. Just another day as Mom. I'm so grateful for this title, even when I am exhausted or frustrated. My oldest just turned 18 in January, the 2nd 14 last weekend. These babies of mine are growing up too fast for me to thoroughly enjoy. I'm missing the old days already. This is my motivation to enjoy it. Even if things are hard currently. It won't always be this way.   

Have you battled post partum baby blues? How long did you have it? What did you do to better yourself for your child(ren)? 

 

Until next time!

xo,

Sonja-Leigh